Wednesday, December 1, 2010

So, where are we going?

If you’re like me, you like to have an answer to this question. You like to make plans and you like to know where you’re going. And, if you’re even more controlling (like me) you tend to not handle it well when those plans don’t go the way you expected.

Unless you have your computer volume muted, right now you’re probably hearing one of my current favorite songs, “If You Say Go”. I posted the words to this song in the previous post. It’s my favorite right now, because it’s my (our) heart’s cry. God has grown me and taught me and shown me things I never knew were possible. I’m humbled, I’m amazed, and I’m a little nervous!

You see, I know that God’s ways are much wiser and better than mine. His plans are perfect. They always go as He expects them to. But I also know that sometimes what is wise and good can hurt, a lot. I know that the hurt is for my good – I truly and sincerely believe that – but, as I know I’ve said before, that doesn’t mean I look forward to the possible (and inevitable) smack in the face of pain.

I like to make plans. Sure, I consult God on them. I pray for wisdom and seek Godly counsel. But then, somewhere along the lines they mutate from God’s plans into my plans. I hold on with both hands to my plans rather than keeping my eyes on the Planner. I think God is trying to teach me how to live without holding onto plans – even the good and right plans – to hold on to only Him.

And so the question, “where are we going?” The answer, I DON’T KNOW!!! And I’m on my knees asking God to help me be okay with that! We have some ideas. As I’ve said before, we deeply and sincerely believe that God wants to continue to expand our family through adoption. We’re absolutely thrilled and would love to have our lives be spent on loving “the least of these”, just as Christ does.

In order to expand our family through adoption, we need to expand our home. We could try to sell our house and move to one with more bedroom space. Or we can stay here and renovate. We think it’ll probably be stay here and renovate, and we’re praying, planning, and stepping forward in that direction. But, once again, I think the Lord is trying to encourage me to loosen my grip on those plans. He wants me to hold more tightly to Him. He wants me to be okay with not knowing, but trusting that He knows.

If you’ve ever wondered why we adopted our son, or why we would be crazy enough to want to do it again (and again . . . ), this video says it all. You’ve spent at least 7 minutes of your life doing some pretty worthless things – this clip is well worth the 7 minutes!
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You'll need to scroll down to the bottom, right side of the page to mute/pause the music player before watching this.


Debb said...

Isn't it hard, even though we know God loves us and His plans are for our good, to let go of those reigns and let Him lead us!? I often wonder when it is that I slip out of that place of submission and regain control of the reigns. I don't always see it happen! I think it only seems to me like I am taking action in God's will.....and then end up trying to take over! UGH! ;o(

Thank Goodness He is willing to forgive us ~ every time! May you continue to be able to rest on His shoulder and allow Him to take on your burden of knowing where you are going........

krook said...

thanks sarah for your honesty and transparency! i LOVED this link, it is so powerful and says it all!!


Esther said...

Just read this (I'm behind - I know!). Loved reading how God is transforming you. I am in a similar situation right now...not sure what the next plan is! So hearing what God is doing in your heart was timing and refreshing. Thank you!